Erica Campbell
I liked the setting of this story and I found that the letter being the actual center of focus of this story to be an interesting idea by Erica. It helped to sort of get a look into the character of this story, she had probably written more than one of these. Character descriptions were okay, but more would have been nice. Grammar seemed to be overall correct, though some of the words I think did get confused a few times. I enjoyed the ending, something a bit uplifting. It was very well written. I enjoyed this story.
Sara Davis
Alright, this was a bit of a depressing story. Some of the information seemed a little too upfront for the story. This would be a good story to use hints with. Not everything needs to be outright explained, things can be alluded to. The structure of the story was good, though, and grammar wasn't too bad. I enjoyed that it wasn't a fairytale happy ending with everything ending up alright. It was a refreshing change, but in a way I always find myself wishing for one. The story was very well done and I think it made a good point.
Neal Dean
An interesting story. Excellent vocabularly, I really enjoyed that aspect of the story. The story progressed excellently and the structure and sequence of events was very well done. The word choices that Neal selected were a wide range and provided vivid imagery. The surprise twist ending was awesome, didn't see it coming. There were a fwe grammar errors, some puncuation mistakes, but they didn't really take me out of the paper. Well done.
Amanda Baran
The description on the main character was great! Right down to her height and where she was from. It was cool. The use of CAPs on page two was pretty neat to show emphasis. The more I go through this semester the more I enjoy using caps and italics to demonstrate strong emotion. I would recommend changing some of the numbers (ex. 2, 15, 5) into word form. Some of the larger numbers and the height can stay the same. I enjoyed the progression of events though at some points things seemed rushed. Good story, though.
Alex Ryan Gregor
The description in this story was very cool and the dialogue between characters was exciting and realistic. The introduction paragraph was really great. Especially the last line 'you think you're free, but I know I am.' It was awesome. I would have liked for it to have been longer, I really got into it and enjoyed the story. An few points throughout the story progressed too fast and I would have liked to see the scene linger a little bit. But it was action packed and kept my attention. I really enjoyed it.
Jamee Lowery
Many people are using the first tense and I find that I really like it, the same goes for this story. It helps me to get into the characters mindset and know what they are thinking. So few stories use this kind of tense, and I know that I never do, so it is refreshing to read it. One of the things I noticed while reading was the first paragraph. The phrase 'fire work show' was used a whole lot, well, twice, but it seemed repetative. Another way could be thought up to say the same thing without repeating it. The use of caps was great in conveying emotion from the characters. The progression seems fast to me, especially in the last paragraph, but it kept me reading it and interested. I think I'd like to see the dialogue between different characters spaced out a bit so I can tell the difference in who is talking.
Ashlee Hooks
I enjoy romance stories, yes, typical girl here. I loved Shlee's detail in this piece. It was one of the things that stuck out to me in the small group version. The story kept me interested in reading and the characters seemed realistic. The structure was well organized and the events progressed well. I could somewhat tell that this was meant to be something longer and I hope to one day get to read the whole thing. The scenes were well set but in some areas progressed too fast. Sadly, i was expecting the ending because of the small group discussion, but it still made for a fun twist.
Michael Johnson
I loved this story and small groups and still enjoy it now. The language was just beautiful, and except for a few run-ons everything worked very well. The run-on problem took away some from the story. If some of the sentences were broken up or made shorter then there wouldn't be a problem really at all. This would also help to increase emphasis in important areas of the story. It would also help the story progress better. The story being a dream in the end was such a neat idea and a twist that most people probably wouldn't see coming.
Scott Laniak
Interesting story. It didn't progress as I had first guessed. The beginning and the ending tied neatly together and fit the meat of the story perfectly. There was, however, some major grammar errors that could be fixed. They tied up reading at some points because they were run-ons or fragments. The errors frequently confused me and brought me out of the story and caused me to focus more on the errors. The choice of wording throughout the story was good, it was just the errors that bothered me. The characters interacted very well and I loved how I felt like I was in it and knew what was happening.
Amy McIntyre
An interesting story. The beginning was really cool and drew me into the story. The piece was exciting and kept me interested throughout the length but I wish there was more description. I love scene setting and small details. I think it really helps to draw a story together. The history was very well set up which helped the story. I would like to see character descriptions be a little more indepth though. I wish the ending wasn't so abrupt, but I can't really talk because mine kind of ends suddenly as well. Overall there weren't many major problems.
The beginning of the story was very familiar. It started with mundane activity which helped to draw the reader in since it was something that could be related to. Then, as the story continued it became a little less mundane and it peaked my interest. Character development was well done and the way that scenes progressed made it easy to read and lead me through the story by keeping my interest. In some of the sentences there seems to be words or something missing but I was still able to focus on the story. The fast pace of the piece and the way that the characters were developed made this a great short story.
The thing about this story that grabbed me the most were the characters! Their descriptions were just so vibrant and alive. They seemed as real as anything to me. The grammar was well checked, there were hardly any mistakes there. The tension throughout the piece was easily felt and didn't have to be brought up. The writing was clever in that the reader didn't need to be reminded. I liked the level of detail about the characters lives that was portrayed. For instance, the simple mention of the crickets in the basement. This story was very well written and very enjoyable to read.
I wish some of the character descriptions had been a little more in depth. However, the entertainment aspect of the story was very rich. The plot seemed a little scrambled but the story I think was still good. I got hung up on some grammar errors which can be fixed, so it's nothing detrimental to the story. The story works well for a short piece and the characters kept me reading. I liked the ending it was quite humorous. And I loved the references to 'Drug Head' Artie and how the speaker just called him 'Drughead.'
I really enjoy Scott's style of writing. The detail he uses is amazing! His language is just so proper and just has a classy feel to it. It's a pretty neat style to have. I loved how i could relate sort of to this. I love nature and find it just so beautiful that man made things cannot compare. Scott did a great job portraying Mazeka's personality throughout the story and I got to know the character a bit. I think I'm in love with this character, he's an artist who loves nature. woo! Great story, great character. I really enjoyed it.
"Only the best can be served"
Scott used excellent imagery and paid good attention to detail. His talent was appearant in this essay. I loved the insight into being an employee at a restuarant. Those who have found themselves in such a position can relate very easily. The last sentence really made my day, the choice of words there was perfect! The sarcasm intermixed into this essay was well used and caused me to smile multiple times as I read. Some of the excessive details within the essay were a bit too much and seemed to drag on, however, I am personally a fan of detail. I believe it helps to paint a scene for the reader.
I laughed continuously throughout this essay. The humor in this piece was amazing! I loved the number of kids that she talked about and the reference to the Golden Girls. I think Mary Lynn did an awesome job using stream of conciousness to write this essay. I actually enjoyed how fast this was to read because it was just like following someone's thoughts. There were some grammer and puncuation issues that made reading it hard at points, however.
"Guilt Trips"
I enjoyed the detail that was placed into this essay. The attention to the small things really helped to develop scenes and nail the point that she was trying to make. Grandparents' houses aren't very fun, and Ryan conveyed that very well throughout the essay. For example, when she wrote the house was 'stiff, harsh, ancient, and breakable.' That pretty much sums up your idea of going to grandma's house. It's just not a fun place for small kids most of the time. I thought it was interesting also how Ryan conveyed her struggle throughout the piece. She continuely struggled between hating having to go to grandma's house and hating her grandmother's complaining, and knowing that she shouldn't think like that about her family, she loved her grandmother.
on Poetry (Tom)